It’s what happens in the in-between that defines the significance, the color, the weight of the bookends of our existence. Thousands upon thousands of words collected in between two slabs of marble: all of one’s thoughts and heart and belief and memories collected in between two ears separated by a couple of inches. In between two hunched shoulders beats a muscle that pumps life through viens to fingertips and toes, ushering color up my neck to my cheeks when you say hello, in between that moment when our eyes meet and when I’m the first to look away. And then there’s that in-between moment when you’re not awake but you’re not yet asleep and your body sways in between your sheets an mattress and the exploding cupboards shutting suggest artillery and clinking dishes suggest toasts at dinner parties in between thoughts of your day and memories of kisses, tangible on your lips in the in-between separating the conscious and the unconscious. And what do I think about in the in-between? How do I spend the precious coins of my time in between the ritualistic yet ever-changing routine of day? My mind devotion, my leisure in the in-between speaks of how I spend my present, and why. Her in-between is full because she fears the in-between. Two years in between life and life and she’s a zombie. My in-between is wide open spaces that you fill with life and laughter. My in-between is filled with thoughts of you and colors of the past and future, dancing together in this kaleidoscope of my present. In the in-between is where your fingers lace into mine. In the in-between is where life is called life, love is called love, tears shed pain and joy, and the inches in between our ears flow through the muscle in between our shoulders that sends life to the pen in between our fingers, that write about the in-between.
I think of You and the prose swells within me, and I cannot help but notice the disparity between You who Are, and I who am yet to be. You are Reality, and I am but an inkling in Your mind - the kind of good dream that one longs for but still fades with the morning light - hovering vapor with no substance.
“True love isn’t just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.”— Joshua Harris
Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.
Stress implies that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it’s okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogane. They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God’s strength, our problems are small, indeed.
Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?
So here’s my two-day project for January 5th and 6th, “Those Previous Ghosts”. I wrote and recorded this for Marilyn’s birthday, and when I showed her, I had some placeholder vocals and let her know that the song wasn’t finished. The reason being was that the song was intended to be a duet for her and me, so Marilyn joined me in the song. I hope you like it!
(Also, the poem for January 7th will be up today as well)
Those Previous Ghosts-
You wrote your name in a foggy window pane
Now it’s fleeting through the warm and chilly days
A certain special someone presented a song they wrote for me…
then told me it was actually a duet…
and then took me to the Yucaipa post office at midnight with all of their recording equipment so we could record it together in the 24/7 lobby with the good acoustics (high ceilings + tile floor = natural reeevveerrbbb)
Happy Birthday to me! ;)
I don’t like to gush all the time via my blog lest I wear it out, but since I can do no wrong on my birthday, I would like to take this moment to say that I am dating the most thoughtful, creative, and wonderful man there is to be had. End of story. :)