Just started writing this song today - ulllllttrraaa rough, and I’m working on different lyrics for the second verse and maybe adding a bridge? Just wanted to share with y’all a “sketch” of sorts on what’s to come :)
“There are times in our lives when our peace is based simply on our own ignorance. But when we are awakened to the realities of life, true inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus.”—Oswald Chambers
Socially, there’s no range of reactions more dispiriting than perceiving that you have been mentally/silently reprimanded for your earnest disposition, vivacity, or readiness for life.
Where have all the alive people disappeared to? Oh, that’s right - they’re too busy doing things!
If I appear bodily awkward and disconnected, it’s only because the strings between my soul and body have been plucked - one by one - and reattached to the marionette strings of society, leaving me jerky and disjointed, controlled by an emotionless machine. I’m regaining myself, but my acclamation to myself is akin to squinting at the sun after emerging from a dark room - I’ll get there.
Silence is far more demeaning than mindless consent. Silence is cowardly, insecure, unsure. Since when is confidence in my emotions foolish? True that some things are better left unsaid, but contrary to the popular notion, I’d far rather speak too much if at least some of it rang true, than keep silent, leaving room for doubt. What is so wrong with being verbose? Expressive? Silence is a facade, a weak shield, a wall, a dungeon. I want no part of it.
The intimate connection between the mind and that which is tangible - permanent speech. Power, meaning, intimacy, history, expression. Why let any gem of thought go without being recorded? How can you recognize a gem if you never clean off the dust through the refining and cathartic process of organizing it on paper?
Everything is ironic; anyone who says differently is either extremely arrogant or overwhelmingly sardonic in and of themselves.
Things will never be less complicated, less busy, less involved, or matters less pressing than they are now. What are you waiting for?
Giggly grin at work because I’m trying to keep my cool but can’t because I’M SO DANG HAPPY, YOU GUYS.
I love school. I love my apartment. I love my classes. I love my music. I love work. I love my friends. I love everything about everything about this semester so far. Today, I even love my usually-despised asymmetrical face dimple.
It’s hard to explain how the worst things that happen to you can end up being the most spiritually and emotionally transforming. I never thought two months ago that going through what I’ve had to would make me so happy now.
I won’t be posting this on my Facebook music page for a month or two, but for the few of you that follow my blog, I figured there was no harm in giving a sneak-peak to this auto-biographical/Regina Spektor-inspired ballad I wrote a couple of days ago and just finished recording. Hope you enjoy :)
My twin sister sort of stuns me on a daily basis. I think she wrote about 4 songs just this past week. It’s nice having her home for the summer and hearing her voice down the hallway.
Such a great tune!!
Just incase any of you guys missed my first posting of this song I wrote this summer ;) Cheers <3
Matthew 11:28: Come to me…and I will give you rest.
God intends for us to live a well-rounded life in Christ Jesus, but there are times when that life is attacked from the outside. Then we tend to fall back into self-examination, a habit that we thought was gone. Self-awareness is the first thing that will upset the completeness of our life in God, and self-awareness continually produces a sense of struggling and turmoil in our lives. Self awareness is not a sin, and it can be produced by nervous emotions or by suddenly being dropped into a totally new set of circumstances. Yet it is never God’s will that we should be anything less than absolutely complete in Him. Anything that disturbs our rest in Him must be rectified at once, and it is not rectified by being ignored but only by coming to Jesus Christ. If we will come to Him, asking Him to produce Christ-awareness in us, He will always do it, until we fully learn to abide in Him.
Never allow anything that divides or destroys the oneness of your life with Christ to remain in your life without facing it. Beware of allowing the influence of your friends or circumstances to divide your life. This only serves to sap your strength and slow your spiritual growth. Beware of anything that can split your oneness with Him, causing you to see yourself as separate from Him. Nothing is as important as staying right spiritually. And the only solution is a very simple one - “Come to Me…” The intellectual, moral, and spiritual depth of our reality as a person is tested and measured by these words. Yet in every detail of our lives where we are found not to be real, we would rather dispute the findings than come to Jesus.
Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don’t allow yourself to say, “Wel, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I’m sure i must have this cleared up with them already.” Learn to leave others alone regarding this. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute.
A complete life is the life of a child. When I am fully conscious of my awareness of Christ, there is something wrong. It is the sick person who really knows what health is. A child of God is not aware of the will of God because he is the will of God. When we have deviated even slightly from the will of God, we begin to ask, “Lord, what is your will?” A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer.
If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, “Come to me…and I will give you rest,” that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest - the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself.
“Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.”—Celebration of Discipline by Richard C. Fox
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and staff comfort me. - Psalm 23:4
In one of the most applicable and powerful pieces of information about a shepherd’s staff in this passage, was the learning that in extreme cases where the sheep would continue to wander and the shepherd would - time after time- have to go after it, the shepherd would break the legs of the sheep with his staff, and carry around the sheep on his shoulders until the legs were healed - the sheep would always stay by the shepherd’s side after that.
How often are my “shadows of death” self-conceived? More often than not, I’d say, and I’d almost admit that the shadows in my life the past couple of months have been entirely self-conceived. And, I’ve felt the full extent and weight of my wandering and of the choices I’ve made. There’s extreme comfort in the fact that I’ve been broken, and there was never a time that I felt closer and more dependent on Christ than directly subsequent to the climax of my troubles a little more than a month ago. I’m just now starting to gain my footing, and don’t want to start stumbling and wandering away as soon as I feel self sufficient. It’s so hard!
Especially for someone as prideful as me. I can hardly admit I’m having issues, let alone that they’re my doing. But here I am. I have issues. And I’m thankful for them. I’m ready to accept the recovery Christ has been offering me from the start, renewing my mind, and using my life for his glory, doing some real good work for my God - fo reals.
“An object, just by the nature of its physical being, resists possession in a way because it’s an object, you know. You can’t carry around a building obviously. You can’t possess it, in a way. I guess you can own it, like real estate, but that’s short-lived anyway. Music is nebulous. We talk about intellectual property of music, but that’s just politics. I don’t know what that means. That’s why I really believe that the song sustains its own consciousness and is dispossessed of its owner, and then it basically yields to the multitudes of listeners, of consumers, and everyone owns the song. It’s such a relief for me to acknowledge that because I feel far less possessive of my own music, and I feel less earnest and less despairing about its worth, or its value, and more willing to just make it, create it, do my best work possible, and then give it away. We’re born into this world naked and screaming, with no possessions. And we leave in the same way, you know? We can’t take it with us. All we have is our bodies and our souls and that’s it. I don’t even think our bodies are our own. I think that’s just borrowed. So give it away, that’s what I say. Give it away.”—Sufjan Stevens (via fuckyeahsufjanstevens)
I love my God, and that the truth is so readily accessible and not shrouded in mystery. Don’t get me wrong: the magnitude of the greatness and vastness of God’s beauty and existence is ultimately incomprehensible. But, that’s due to just how great He is compared to the capacity of our understanding, not because He withholds truth from us.
Because, real truth springs up from the earth (Ps. 85:11), and the heavens declare his glory (Ps. 91). Truth is in Christ (Eph. 4:21), and I don’t know what’s more real and straightforward that a physical embodiment of truth in our midst.
Praise God that we’re not chained by mystery and a hierarchy of knowledge, but that we know the real, full, liberating Truth (John 8:32), that’s in Jesus Christ our Lord.