i asked your sister…but how has being a Paster’s daughter affected you? the real you? :)
I’m sorry this has taken me a week to get through! I promise that I have good excuses ;)
I have two simple answers for this and then I’ll go into a (rather lengthy) explanation.
1) Being a PK has help stir in me a stronger faith in God than I ever knew was possible
2) Being a PK has left me with constant and strong doubts with my faith
now to explain this paradoxical conclusion, though I’d like to do it out of order if you don’t mind (if you do you can simply find the midway point and read backwards I suppose?)
First, about my doubts:
Being the daughter of a pastor, you share your dad with not only your immediate family, but entire *congregations* of families. It was definitely more challenging when I was younger and we lived in a small town on a lake in a parsonage right next to the church, but its been an interesting upbringing nonetheless.
The issues and problems of members of the church were the burdens (how I wish that term wasn’t so negative) of my father and sub-sequentially my whole family. I’m not going to lie and say there was no pressure to act a certain way or to say certain things but I wouldn’t necessarily give that up. Being in the spotlight and under what I felt to be spiritual scrutiny my entire childhood helped me to grow up with a certain level of poise, cordiality, and social skills that I don’t believe I would have learned elsewhere and that I hope I’ve managed to retain as I’ve grown older.
It’s also lead to a lot of self-doubt.
“Of all the families in the world, how is it that I was born into one of a Baptist pastor? Why not Catholic? Buddhist? Atheist? Mormon? How can I know of all the families, religions, systems of belief I could have possibly been born in to that THIS is the “right” one?”
It’s moments like the one above that I remember the glorious and beautiful planning of our God. I don’t know if I can honestly say I would have ever come to the know and believe in the never ending love of Christ had I not been born into it and seen the miracles and the love of God exhibited in my own family and for my entire life.
I’m an incredibly stubborn person. I’m opinionated, I’m logical, I’m usually incredibly unreasonable, and I hate being wrong. It’s my nature, though I can’t exactly say its a beautiful one and one that I’m not desperately trying to soften up! But of all the people in the world that needed to grow up in the God-fearing, incredibly strong and self-sacrificing family that I did, its ME.
and God knew that.
I’ve been able to make my faith my own, while knowing that any question or frustration or pondering I have about my spirituality can be completely and fully pondered by my incredibly wise father whom I love dearly.
I’ve seen the way he’s grown as a father as I’ve grown up and how he’s learned to balance his home family and his church family, and though I can’t say its always easy, there’s no better way I would wish to share my father.